If your aim is to be a corporate bully

So, you actually want to be a bully!

There are people-and I use the term advisedly- who actually go into management to bully.

These are typically the individuals who are incapable of functioning elsewhere in society or in the workplace. They are intimidated by talent, are devoid of integrity and are generally unskilled in the ways of delivering the service they manage.

They are promoted because they curry favour with their employers.

A true classic of how to advance without integrity or talent is demonstrated in the 5th season of the Wire.

Watch it.

A newspaper reporter, clueless about how to identify and build a story, is assigned a key piece based on his ability to parrot the publisher's desire to write a "Dickension article" about the homeless.

I won't spoil the season by describing exactly how he does this. But it is worth a watch and tells you everything you need to know about careerism, lying, theft of another's work and generally how to succeed without integrity.

I have learned from, and have been bullied by, the absolute best at this.

So, if you aspire to make your career as a bully,  want to know how to bully and not get caught, sued, or murdered in the workplace, here is how.

Prerequisites of a bully

• be incompetent or just barely competent to get a job done
• move from position to position within an organization just before you are discovered as incompetent
• it helps a lot to be devoid of any integrity
• lie about your work
• steal another's good work and put your name on it
• don't give credit where credit is due (especially critical if you work on a team)
• take courses as offered but absolutely don't implement what you learned
• try nothing new, take no risks and blame others if something goes wrong.
• be a careerist
• maintain optimal visibility with your superior. But always credit the superior with a good idea . Repeat their ideas as though they are brilliant. They likely aren't and everyone knows it. But, hey. You aren't try to impress any one but your boss.

Where might bullies flourish?

Like all vermin, pests, rodents and bottom dwellers, bullies flourish best in large organizations where performance is not closely monitored. This allows you, the aspiring bully, to grow as a fat as a tick by sucking the blood out of co-workers and staff without getting caught as the thief you are.

So, where is best?  

• An organization where sick time is high-10-12 days per employee is a good environment for bullies.
• It helps if the organization emphasizes compliance training over professional development
• A large bureaucracy where attention to policies takes priority over performance
• A bureaucracy which doesn't publish its policies. Keeping policies secret-especially HR policies- means that you can plausibly deny that you did anything wrong-if by chance you are caught. It very much works to your advantage if the organization is in the midst of digitizing its policies. That way, no one has access to any guidelines-usually ever.
• An organization where senior management positions are constantly changing is good. This allows you to continue your work as a bully unimpaired by nasty and unwanted responsible oversight.
• High turnover is important amongst staff as well. That way, you won't get targeted like, say, Bill O'Reiley or Roger Ailes.
• If there is a Board of Directors, it helps if the board is kept in the dark about Quality Improvement and Risk Management strategies. That way they can't ask embarrassing questions about performance, satisfaction and productivity. There is therefore much less chance that you, the bully, will get outed.
• It is very  helpful to you, as the aspiring bully, if senior managers (and no one else for that matter) can define "Quality" or "Risk" (Quality, by the way is defined as the ability to meet a customer's expectation first time every time at the lowest possible cost). That way, you can never be evaluated based on how your teams are performing-because no one knows how they should perform.

My next blog will give you "a how to" of bullying, and some markers to evaluate your successful impact on the team, the program, and the organization.