There are 4 actions you can take to support the victim.
- empathize
- fight isolation
- show leadership
- speak up
1) Empathize
Empathy for the victim is important, if not critical. Showing empathy to the victim is crucial. It is important to remember that:
- your co-workers and, the victim's, are not the victim's friends;
- the victim is not responsible for the harassment;
- harassment is not the price of having a job;
- neither you nor the victim should be naïve. The harassment will NOT go away;
- the predator is a socio-path.
You will see the victim devalued, the predator try to cover up the crime and as a consequence, you will see the victim intimidated.
2) Fight Isolation
If you have a moral compass (and it works) reach out to the victim. Recognize that others will likely refuse to socialize with him. Don't join that mob. At some point even the victim will realize that he does not deserve the harassment. You may become the sounding board. Validate the victim's views as legitimate. The predator is likely accusing the victim of a socially unacceptable trait (sexism is a classic, but there are others). Help the victim realize that this accusation is likely unfair.
Keep communication open.
The predator is likely critical of the victim's communication style.
Serve as a point for sober second thought. Is this true? Can he do something differently?? Likely not.
Finally, do not engage in the inevitable group gossip about the victim. It may be that you could call out those involved.
3) Show leadership
Can YOU change this unhealthy workplace?
Probably not, if it ingrained behaviour. But, you can be a beacon of sanity, shining a light on unfair behaviours.
- don't enable the predator by joining in her attempts to bully. Sign your name to performance appraisals. Tell the victim about the appraisal process, telling him that you have been asked to comment and inviting guidance from him.
- when unreasonable demands are made, in a public forum , offer alternatives;
- challenge new and made up rules which target the victim;
- challenge public shaming and blaming
- praise accomplishments and efforts by the victim to be a part of the team;
- note efforts to steal the victim's work-or efforts by others to take credit.
- document, document, document. You may need it if the predator turns on you.
There is an interesting TedTalk by Glenn D. Rolfson: How to start changing an unhealthy work environment
4) Speak Up
Someone who is a victim of harassment and bullying in the workplace is likely someone who has lost the ability to articulate the wrong done to him. Therefore, it is for others to speak up.
This takes guts and likely, no one in the organization will thank you and you may become a target yourself .
- give each individual his or her just due
- reject gossip and say so
- respect individuality
- speak out against acts of bullying
- understand that justice is solidarity
Take a look at this site for more guidance
There are certain things to watch for.
The buddy-that unctuous fool who plays both ends, talking to you and then reporting back to the predator.
The caring soul-a friend to the victim except, like our friend in the last blog, doesn't have the courage to stand up and be counted.
The professional-that person who is continually reminding people of her qualifications and at the same time denigrating the victim-all for professional reasons.
OR
you might want to become a whistleblower. This is definitely NOT for the faint of heart.
But more on this in my next blog.
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